I haven’t written in a while but I need to vent… I am so sick of living in this house with my family. No one knows how to effectively communicate and talk over me. If I try to vent it’s an inconvenience for someone else. I’m sorry for existing.
If I have the slightest tone in my voice someone automatically points fingers at me for being “Disrespectful” when I am talking normally but being assertive. There is a difference from being assertive to being a bitch. This morning I was just telling my opinion because in this country I have freedom of speech whether you like my opinion or not. Then I was just trying to back it up why and basically just stating something I believed in. My dad goes “No you are WRONG SORRY”. I am stating a opinion how does that make me right or wrong? HELLO!!
Then my grandmother interjects while I am not being cross, rude, anything I am just talking in a normal voice and she goes “DON’T YOU TALK TO HIM LIKE THAT” and i said “I did nothing” in a normal monotone. How did I even do something wrong or anything? Then tonight my dad goes I’ll just leave early in the morning so I don’t have to deal with anyone. Like okay so I HAVE to deal with people pointing fingers at me? I did nothing wrong at all.
Today I told her she was wrong she proceeded to tell me to go upstairs and to not tell her that she was wrong to accuse me and act foolish to me. I’m sorry, I will say and call you out whatever and whenever I damn well please.
I am so done I need my own place. I feel like no one cares about me in my own home….
Honestly you think everything is about you dont you? you selfish bitch. I woke up ready to go and shovel this morning and you come home from work and glare at me? i shoveled over 50 lbs of snow off your husbands car and you still glare at me? go the fuck to bed no one fucking cares what you say to me. your hurtful and blame me because i went to my friends house? honestly, you think im selfish when i got up to HELP and you tell me you dont fucking need me.
I hate my mother with a passion and all the time i feel like no one here gives a fuck what i say if i wanna vent about something im always waved off because im annoying. then when i want to help because you woke me up you wave me off because im a waste of time. i cant wait to move out.
i hate my family and living here so much.
aboslutely. everyone can do go to hell and i really wish people who arent in my life anymore would stop thinking everything is about them and being nosy and thinking im talking about them im not. this is my life and i can vent on a socail networking site if i damn well please. and you will not read it nor will you get your friends to “look after you” fake. your fake. get out of my life please.
So i am snowed in this weekend not to fucking mention its my boyfriends fucking drill weekend. Fucking Nemo needs to GFTO of here. i will literally drive to him wendsday if i have to to see him. this fucking 5 + days not seeing eachother is bothering me. how am i gonna be when he goes to updtate NY this summer for AT? fucking military men…. its so annoying like i dont want gifts or money i want to see my boyfriend and the man that i love. is that fucking so hard to ask???
I am about to get my period so im probably being over dramatic but im like angry and pissy i cant see my boyfriend this weekend. im alwats like this on drill weekends because we fucking end up barely talking and then i just end up pissed and ignore him and make him talk to me. in fact i might do that today. im sick of always doing the work he needs to know how i feel. and i feel like i miss him. he should miss me too instead he just fucking writes “i know you do” oh you dont miss me either? wtf??
This weekend needs to end and next thursday night needs to come. and my fucking period needs to be over or ill stab people.
fuck off everything, the snow, drill weekend and everyone.
PMS is a bitch.
Yesterday i barely talked to the boyfriend all day and it didn’t feel right because we usually text a lot more than that. He’s told me to cut down on saying “I Love you” so very often too which feels odd for me (i probably say it way too much). Things are changing…. and it feels strange.I don’t like it very much but maybe I’ll get used to everything.
Sometimes i feel like i am a nuisance by texting constantly…i don’t want to be that annoying girlfriend…
I should just back way off…
So first night without him on “karaoke night” now it’s gonna be a gym and watch Jenna marbles night and hangout with my best friend. And since this job change sucks so bad I’m sorry I’m not a fan of seeing him very little now. I have to deal with it if I want to be with him.
I want a future with him I fucking just hate living so far away from eachother. I wish we could move in together now. Not in the future. It feels lonely without him sometimes and now I have all this free time. It’s strange.
I just wanna fight through it and get the hell over this hump and see him everyday. It’s not fair right now but life is a bitch and never fair. She always makes it ten times harder. Whatever.
I guess I just gotta bite my lip and woman up…
I don’t understand why Americas job shifts have changed dramatically when I grew up I was used to people working a 9-5 job. I am content with my 9-5 job! I love what I do but I’m not to keen on my boyfriends hours he got a new job as a corporate limo driver but the catch is he works anywhere from 1pm-2am. Not happy with it. Then the other thing is now I have to fucking deal with not hearing from him for hours at a time because obviously you can’t text and drive someone important or at all In general.
When I get out of work at 5 he’s almost half way through his shift. I am scared he will forget about his girlfriend and not make time for me. This is a new change for me and it feels an uneasy and it’s going to be a challenging change.
No more going to karaoke wendsdays or seeing him at all during the week I hope I can see him Saturdays and Sundays. He said though he’d want to work Saturdays and I’m pissed at that. I want to feel like I had a boyfriend not someone I see occasionally because of this job. I want to feel happy and secure with seeing him and both of us working
So I’m hoping for the best. We have been together for a year and I don’t want the job interfering with our relationship and having it be the reason there’s problems in it.
I guess I just bite my tongue and deal with it. I wish he worked 9-5 though like me. It sucks for couples in this day and age… I feel lonely because of his odd hours.
How can I get used to this?
After last weeks incident on Friday that took twenty innocent young lives, I will never ever unappreciate my life. I will wake up and thank God i am still alive, and live it truely like it is my last.
Today there was a national 26 second moment of silence for the 26 victims who were taken from this world without warning. 26 people, 20 of them being little children. I can’t imagine what the parents of these lost children are going through right now. They have to bury their own child and no parent should ever have to bury a child at 6 years old. There was so much left of their lives to live.
I feel so sad today, and ashamed beause this could have been prevented.
I am thinking about starting a chartity that would nationally help the mentally ill get the proper care and medication they need. If this kid who shot these kids was counceled and on medication and constantly moitored he wouldn’t have busted in the doors of Sandy hook elementary and shot at random people.
Only problem is i don’t know how to start this myself. But something needs to be done about this.
Why do normal people have access to ASSAULT RIFLES still boggles my mind!! Those should be access only to the military. And banned everywhere else. And even then there have been some shootings from military personnel due to no treatment to mental illnesses like PTSD, or depression, bi-polar disorder, Schizprenia. I feel like this country doesn’t fund anything into mental health. It’s a billion dollar industry! This should be part of the Healthcare Reform, Free mental health. And you should need a full comprehensive background check to access a gun. I get it there is still the problem with guns being sold on the street, then law enforcement needs to work harder to put an end to the illegal purchase of a weapon.
If we can do all of these things we can prevent another 20 kids shot and killed for no reason.
If we do this we can prevent the paranoia of going out.
If the FBI monitors the internet more, we can prevent threats before they happen.
We don’t deserve more innocent lives being taken…
Life is a blur. #photography